Well just as I thought I had caught up, my friends just sped off in the distance. "I'll catch up" I said. Oh boy. And yet again starts another game of catch up. Except the guys in front are driving awesome cars and are circlejerking a thousand miles ahead. And here I am spinning my wheels again. This isn't new to me, nor it surprises me. 

I just thought I'd be done with this. I've been building my car for awhile now... I feel I should at least be able to keep up right? Welp. Others have that "click" that "x factor". I seem to lack it. 

I get people saying I'm good, great even... Then why don't I feel like it. I'm familiar with the car and yet I'm not... After all this time, all this effort... Nothing. I'm still a loser. I mean you can't win them all. But surely you shouldn't be losing them all too right? 

It's supposed to balance itself out right? 

Right?

Why am I always the slow learner? Always last to the catch, hell I was never good at sports... 

What is my " x factor"? Do I even have one? I always wanted to be different. But there's got to be someone out there like me right? I'm not alone am I ? Of course not, its impossible.

A sage once told me to keep going, eventually you'll make it. I fought tonight very hard and still loss. Even if I do succeed, the bar will be raised. And then the process repeats itself all over again.

I gotta find a way out Their must be a way to break this poisonous cycle. I believe I'm meant for more to better than this.

Then why I'm still here? Why do I still make dumb mistakes? I would say I have gotten worse but I think it's a case of everyone just getting better. Im the odd one out. I mean I always wanted to be unique... Be careful what you wish for I guess.